What do you do? Well, I do many things. I camp, I ski, I walk, I sleep, oh yeah, and I happen to work as a research assistant at the University of Minnesota. Why is it that the first answers I have proposed are unacceptable answers to this uniquely American question, yet the last is the one that has been deemed “acceptable”?
We live in a complex society where access to resources is unequally distributed, and it is assumed that building our network permits us to enjoy a larger share of these resources. The goodwill of those in power is no doubt helpful to climbing the social hierarchy; however, we not only attempt to obtain this goodwill in a misguided manner but we also generally seek it from the wrong people.
Let’s create communities instead of networks. The word network is cold and impersonal. If someone is to join your network via a connection on LinkedIn for example, it implies a tic-for-tac relationship, yet oftentimes a person of lower social strata requests the connection and hopes for a one-way ticket up. That is simply not how human relationships work. Human relationships involve building trust over time, and adding value to each other’s lives now or in the future.
Stay-at-home parents, gig workers, and students are necessary to any healthy community. You may have a “duh” response to the preceding sentence, yet many give negative or worse – neutral – responses to people who respond to the question “What do you do?” with something that is not an easy-to-digest job title. Those with chief executive or middle manager in their response are most definitely not the only persons worthy of attention. Stay-at-home parents are critical in raising our next generation. Gig workers hold multiple jobs and thus communities that might range from the local restaurant to the nearby clinic. Students might turn out to be the next Issac Asimov, George Washington Carver, or Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez. Moral of the story: treat everyone with respect.
Most Americans don’t care for their job, so stop asking. If I had a dollar for every time that I have seen conversations dry up when one asks another “What do you do?” I would be wealthy. According to a 2016 Pew Research Survey, 49% of American workers say they are satisfied with their current job. In another survey in 2016, the Deloitte Center for the Edge found 64% of American workers halfheartedly engaged with their job, only 23% contented with their job, and a paltry 13% passionate about their job. If so many people are unsatisfied with their work, instead of asking “What do you do?”, we might ask about more life-giving topics. The more thrilling the conversation, the more memorable and the more possible an acquaintance might turn into a long-term relationship. Here are a couple examples of questions, yet I suggest you brainstorm a couple that fit you, test them out at the next social gathering, note which works for you, and iterate.
- What’s your passion? If this person is passionate about their work, awesome! Let them talk about it. If not, let them share about their backpacking trip last weekend, the latest book they’ve read, or the last movie they watched. It is impossible to know where the latter conversation topics might end up, but you might just get a new recipe or date night idea in addition to a new friend.
- What was your latest adventure? Again, the person’s answer might be work-related e.g. the latest corporate merger. Contrarily, it might be bumping into a long lost companion at the gym the other day, finding a new trail to walk on Sunday afternoons, trying a new restaurant, going for a jog for the first time in a while… Doesn’t an adventure sound more fun to talk about than a job title anyways?
- What’s your story? This is my personal favorite. You might get weird responses or questions like “Where should I begin?” Assure them that you would like them to start wherever they would like, and provide a listening ear after. You will be surprised how much people enjoy sharing their story, and you will learn to enjoy how much you learn from another person’s unique, windy life path.
As always, I am no expert but a common scientist who asks questions, even questions about frequently asked questions. Take my suggestions as you will, do your own research, and find what feels good. Finally, if you run into me someday and default to asking “What do you do?” don’t be surprised with my outside the box response. While I love my work, I do a lot of things outside of my job title.
Sincerely,
Aidan
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